My daughter is a month away from
turning 1. To mark this huge milestone in my life, I mean, her life, I've
decided to share the story of "how it all began" for us. I’ve recently
begun blogging on Instagram. I write about some of my favourite books and those
from my baby’s library.
@Ghiasireads has introduced me
to parents across the globe. We exchange stories that usually end with “me too”
because, parenting. It’s so unique yet just the same for everyone. So, as this
community continues to grow, I was encouraged to say a little something about
our own journey to parenthood.
A few months ago, the Indian version
of one of the UK's bestselling parenting magazines, Mother &
Baby, shot with us to celebrate their 9 years in the country. I was also
invited to write the cover story for them, and here's what I wrote:
I am a medical marvel. I was born the last of three
children, exactly 8 months after my mother had a Copper-T fixed in place to
seal the fate on their family of 4. I was a kilogram of wrinkled skin at birth.
Cut to, 15 years later; my period had still not made an appearance. A quick
sonogram told us that I had something called Polycystic Ovarian Disease (PCOD,
at the time). I was overweight, suffered from severe acne, and was promptly put
on birth control pills to regularize my cycle.
For the next ten years, I took really good care of my body.
I worked out, lost weight, and remained fairly healthy. It was not like my
cycle was suddenly watching the calendar, but I could afford to get off the
pill every now and then. In the meantime, I was constantly reminded, by
articles, my doctor, my family, and society-at-large, what a tough time I was
going to have to get pregnant.
The
meet cute
I met my husband, Nadir, when I was 23. We were married two
year later. At the back of mind, the nagging voices kept telling me how tough
PCOD, now called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, was going to make it for us to
start a family.
Nadir was well aware of the situation, and we always wanted
kids. So, on our first wedding anniversary, we decided to begin the long
journey that was in store for us to get pregnant. We were sure it would take at
least a year. Then, IVF? Hip injections? Who knew what the future held.
Our daughter, Ziya, was born exactly 9 months later.
Yes, a medical
marvel.
Too
good to be true
The symptoms began to show less than a week into my
pregnancy. I had terrible morning sickness, but I dismissed it as a stomach
bug. My chest felt heavy and my stomach felt bloated, but I assumed it was the irregular
period that would finally show up. I took a test a month later, many miles from
home, when I was visiting a friend in The Nilgiris. She was 2 months pregnant
herself and saw through my tell-tale symptoms.
The news of my pregnancy brought a lot of joy to both our
families. It also brought more morning, afternoon, and evening sickness for the
rest of my first trimester. But to begin with, Nadir and I were over the moon.
We were immensely grateful that this baby had picked us, and so soon! The rest
of pregnancy was a breeze. We spent half a month in Japan when I was 5 months
pregnant. I would comfortably walk 6 to 7 kms every day without feeling
exhausted.
At 5’ 9’’, my frame hid the 20kgs I put on pretty well. I
didn’t look pregnant all the way until the last month; when the back ache,
sleeplessness and general unease began. But, there’s nothing to write home
about my pregnancy. It was lovely.
The most important aspect about it, and something that has
become very close to my heart, was my decision to attend a workshop on
breastfeeding and lactation.
The
importance of being informed
I was 6 months pregnant, and one of the two pregnant women
in a sea of new moms, at the workshop. The session opened my eyes to a host of
trials and tribulations these new moms were going through because they were not
armed with the right knowledge on breastfeeding BEFORE the baby came along.
The lactation consultant held a brief and enriching
experience on the dos and don’ts of breastfeeding, on things to watch out for
early on, and the general confidence a woman needs to maintain in order to
believe her body can handle the most natural thing in the world.
Happy birthday
Ziya’s birth, just like my pregnancy, was uneventful and a
breeze. She arrived on her due date, completely naturally, all of 6.7 pounds (3
kgs). I had refused an epidural but settled for an episiotomy.
My doctor performed a procedure called ‘stripping’, a day
before her birth, which set the contractions in full swing the same night. The
only book I had read, which was What to
Expect When You’re Expecting, had told me loud and clear to wait out the
slower contractions. So, I patiently went about my business the whole of the
next day, and got myself admitted to the hospital when my contractions were 2
minutes apart. I was hooked to an IV and put on Pitocin that sped up my labor.
Except the last one hour, when I screamed loud enough to
scare the entire neighborhood, and almost broke a nurse’s arm
(unintentionally), the labor pains were really not that bad. Imagine cramps,
but ones that come and go in bursts. Lastly, imagine a large watermelon pushing
against your vagina and rectum; yes, that has got to hurt!
Ziya was born, without event, 3 hours after we arrived at
the hospital.
Brand new mommy
As the lactation workshop had mentioned, my doctor put her
to my breast immediately after she was born and she latched on beautifully. The
OT staff was kind enough to click our first family picture while they kept us
entertained with cheerful banter.
I have full support at my in-law’s home and I never went to
my parent’s house, as is tradition, during my pregnancy or after Ziya was born.
Nadir was hell bent on massaging and bathing her himself, and so, we only
employed the services of massage lady for me.
We were both also keen on keeping her off formula as much as
possible. She was formula fed for the first 2 days at the hospital, and because
my milk hadn’t come in, I didn’t refute the decision. But after that, she was
exclusively and absolutely breastfed until she was started on solids at 6
months of age. And because breastfeeding went well for me, I lost 10 kgs in a
week after the delivery.
It takes two
Nadir and I have handled Ziya by ourselves from the minute
she was born. I have a tremendously supportive family, and they helped me by
completely managing the house while I could focus on the baby. They are also
involved in her routine whenever we need them. Moreover, as a freelance writer,
I get to squeeze in a few assignments while they happily coo and caa at her.
Ziya has always been a poor sleeper and slow to pile on the
grams. I was constantly asked to give her formula, at least once a day, so that
she would sleep better, or gain weight and get chubby. But Nadir and I knew
that her frequent waking or lean structure is not because she’s starving. She
showed us no signs of hunger after being breastfed, and so, we had the
confidence to persevere and stick to what we believed in. I am repeatedly told
that some children just happen to be bad sleepers, and we seem to have scored
us our own.
I do not, for a minute, think it would have been possible
for me to nurture and nourish Ziya without the undying support from my husband
and family. Nadir is one of the most hands-on fathers I’ve met. When I’m tired
from waking up for the 4th time at night, he jumps to my rescues
even without being asked. She loves a good cuddle with him and that’s testimony
enough. He still massages and bathes her even after he’s had the longest day at
work. He maintains a blog to document everything about our daughter in the
hopes that she may read it one day and relive our journey.
Baby steps: her and me
Ziya is way ahead of meeting her milestones at 7.5 months.
She has been cruising (holding onto things and walking) for a few weeks now;
but last week, she figured out how to bend her knees and sit back down too! She
seems ready to start walking on her own as soon as her feet will allow it. I
was lucky enough to document her first smile, when she was 40 days old with a
selfie, a picture I will treasure forever. She has been blabbering since she
was barely two months old; we are told it means she will be a talkative little
one!
I had my first meltdown when, on the insistence of enforcing
a tradition, her hair was shaved when she was 10 days old. It upset me deeply
and I wailed for a good hour; much more than her. In retrospect, I am glad it
was done with that early because her full head of hair, one she was born with,
grew back pretty quickly and in time to sport it with her pretty frocks.
For now, she enjoys the three small meals we feed her. A
hyperactive baby, she likes to be done with her meal as soon as possible so
that she can get back to crawling around the house.
As a new mom, my body has experienced exhaustion like never
before. I am constantly sleep deprived and hungry! I’m still eating for two as
I plan to breastfeed her way past her first birthday. Even with the support and
confidence of an extremely involved husband, we have our tiffs because we want
to do our best for Ziya.
We hope Ziya will grow up to be a strong-willed, assertive
woman , one who stands up for what she believes. There is nothing more that
will grow our hearts than to see our daughter in the best of health, fulfilling
her destiny with her best foot forward.
After all, she’s no less than a medical marvel herself.
An
edited version of this story appeared in the May 2017 issue of Mother &
Baby magazine India. You can find the copy here: https://www.magzter.com/IN/Next-Gen-Publishing-Ltd/Mother-&-Baby-India/Lifestyle/221190
All text and images are the IP of Sabiha Ghiasi and Mother & Baby India. Do not copy without prior permission.
Shot by: Akshay Kulkarni
